June 20, 2010
But its a pointless endeavor since the act of focusing and typing instantly make me forget the tumultuous feeling that let me to the blank page in the first place........ so wheres the rant?
Lets try the pointlessness of it all.... when it comes to life in general I've sort of been a private realist, I mite go along with my friends fanciful ideas for business ventures or escape routes, I even spend a ridiculously large amount of time immersed in my own little fantasy's to take the edge off inhabiting this cruel world but when it comes down to it I'm quite aware of the inevitable shit that lies in store for me. Hell life's shitty! even the most fortunate have shitty bits , this isnt a is the glass half empty or half full sort of debate, life gets shitty so what do you do when the good bits never really drown out the bad?
People are afraid of death......... Well atleast most people are, its normal and probably the most useful trait we have, if you care about the continued existence of the human race. After all where would we be if early man while stretching out his back muscles and trying to get the hang of the whole two legs only mode of transportation looked around, and while noticing his world was full of scary things that were out to eat him not to mention lots and lots of shit realized that there wasn't much point to any of this and jumped into the first compliant lions mouth..... whats a little bit of pain and suffering now that will be over in a few minutes compared to a lifetime of toiling and disappointment?
Its really a testament to genetics that there aren't more suicidal people out there ( and i mean the real suicidal ones not just the disparate plea for attention types). Or is it evolution? because obviously killing yourself does get in the way of procreation and carrying on you genetic material so the suicidal gene would have gotten pushed out in favor of the hopeless romantic, delusional dreamer or constant hope genes.
Well the fact that I can even contemplate such topics without discomfort means that something in my genes got tweaked the wrong way. It must be a rare mixture of realism and laziness with a sprinkling of selfishness that did it. For as long as I can remember I've held the view that non existence or death would be a preferred fate (this is quite impressive for a 12 year old I think since that's as far back as I can recall of having any thoughts of my existence).
I don't believe that I was depressed since I wasn't showing any of the symptoms of depression I just realistically looked at my life and I simply didn't see anything that would make the general shittynes of life worth enduring. To be specific -
I have no passions (I think this was addressed sometime before) and I dont seem to posses any remarkable skills.
I have no feeling of endearment towards children so I cannot imagine producing ones of my own, if I could have my self sterilized this very minute I wouldn't think twice.
I hold no delusions when it comes to the concept of 'love' and relationships which like life requires ALOT of work for relatively small rewards., so no I don't buy in to the Hollywood driven idea that finding the one will make everything wonderful.
and finally I really dont have much regard when it comes to the sanctity of human life at least not relative to other life since there's far to many of us populating the world and it would be a much better place if there wasn't so many humans around fucking it up.
It's quite a pain this mindset, I tend to tune it out with a near constant hum of distractions and I envy the people who never think of such things. But am I alone? Surely every one isn't going on simply in the hope that something will come along to makes it worth while, but then there's evidence in all the self help books, match maker sites, fertility treatments, fantasy industry and the general human habit of continuously searching for a meaning to it all (even though nothing seems to have been found yet) that suggest that people are doing exactly that.
So I guess all the lies and fuckery you all do unto your selves is very much a good thing, cause if you don't realize there's a problem then there's no real problem.
but don't worry I know that this little rant isn't going to spoil things for you since its something you've either always had or you don't, it cant be instilled or impressed on to you by anyone so your safe!
And what keeps me alive? I guess its pure habit and maybe curiosity, I mean the old fail safes still work I will reflexively avoid danger . And I must be slightly masochistic I allways want to see how much more shity things can get.
May 21, 2010
Seymour gets in the way as he always does but I've decided to ignore him and try to battle this bout of writers block head on.
For as long as I can remember I have not been able to muster the amount of passion that is necessary to follow any course. This seems to come easily to other people and my hope is by venting my thoughts anonymously, to complete strangers, you will help me to find passion and my purpose in life.
May 11, 2010
According to the article a communications satellite called Galaxy 15 got it's ''brain'' chomped on by a solar flare and broke off contact with the mother planet. This should have resulted in the zombiesat peacefully passing on to that big satellite emporium in the sky but instead it's still alive and kicking..... Apparently this isn't normal satellite behavior, even if it does broadcast the syfy channel and scientist are baffled.
This has attracted the attentions of good old conspiracy theorists and they are now harping on about space junk and technology gone wild flashing their boobs at every one for nik naks. But this sat became undead in early April so why does everyone care now?!
Who know, why did I click on the link? Because it had the word zombies in it of course!
May 8, 2010
I feel i must do something to calibrate this momentous occasion. This calls for a humorous video of Hitler talking to a cat! yes slowly but surely I'm getting the hang of this.
May 7, 2010
AAAAaaa fuck everything i write is in Hindu!!
I was going to write about the chapters in my life, taking advantage of a rare bout of nostalgia but then Seymour reared his ugly head and pointed out new teaser videos for the up coming apocalypse according to the world of supernatural (he always knows how to find the perfect thing to distract me).
So instead of a heart felt(depressing) narrative on my life I instead feel prompted to vent my frustrations on the complexities of having a blog.
Prior to this venture I considered my self a rather tec savvy person. The cyber world did not strike fear in my heart as it does in others, in fact I view it as my favorite drug rather than a tool. But then I started delving into world of blogs and now I feel like a noob, or even worse I now understand my mothers anxiety when faced with anything computer related.
Even in theses early stages where I'm trying to keep it simple I'm faced with Html codes, traffic, monetizing, url links, Pinging!? meta tags, SEO services :S and don't get me started on the various layouts, colors and display options! messing around with them resulted in the a fore mentioned Hindi text freak out.
Also I've come to understand that google sends out 'spiders' to 'crawl' all over my blog........ and this is supposed to be a good thing, feels more like the matrix to me. I was under the impression that millions of normal people blog, I've even seen some apparently run by infants (ok cheap shot I know) so this really doesn't help my self esteem.
The reason I even attempted incorporating all these codes and tec is that my blog doesn't seem to exist, at least not in the eyes of any search engine. And while I didn't really expect it to get a million followers in a day the whole thing seems a little redundant if no one reads it, I need your feed back in order to better myself after all.
The traffic problem becomes trickier due to the fact that i wanted this to be an anonymous blog untainted by peoples existing views on me, so it is not meant to be viewed by anyone who knows me in the real world, which eliminates the easiest and most common way of getting your blog noticed.
But I shall persist even if no ones reading at the very least this provides a new way for me to procrastinate and it's kinda therapeutic too.
But for every...... (what are these things called anyway? posts? articles? whatever) for every post I post (?!) there are 5 others I couldn't be bothered putting up because I didn't think any one would read them (or because of Seymour) so hah! have that on your conscience oh absentee followers.
April 28, 2010
The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutesNormally i find little kids talking like grownups about things they're far too young to properly understand creepy but this kids got it spot on! I cant believe she made that speech by her self though.
Ok this really boils my blood! The general arrogance that is displayed by the west when dealing with nature, it makes you wonder if they have a brain. After all they are the ones who have encroached on the coyotes natural habitat and basically crowded them into a corner.
This isn't a case of a rouge coyote that had lost it's fear for humans rummaging in someones back yard, it was in the wild and and it didn't even attack the governors dog!
"I holler and the coyote stopped. I holler again. By this time I had taken my weapon out and charged it. It is now staring dead at me. Either me or the dog are in imminent danger. I did the appropriate thing and sent it to where coyotes go," he said.
Exactly how was he and the dog in danger? he shot to kill! he could have very easily shot in the air or at its feet to scare it off I'm pretty sure a coyote isn't going to hang around when there are bullets flying in the air! Considering there were no witnesses its as likely that the governor saw the poor animal minding its own business and decided to go for a bit of target practice.
I know its Texas and all, and trigger happy red necks are the norm but hes still a governor, what sort of example is he giving?! Yes coyotes arnt exactly endangered animals there or in short supply but then neither are Labradors or humans, what bothered me was his general disregard for the animal and his lack of remorse.
Besides how would you like it if some fool tromped around you house holding a freshly cooked lobster and then shot you for looking at it?
It is such a large part of my life style, I should really pay it more attention; maybe even give it a name? .... for now lets call it Seymour coz at the moment in my head it looks like him.
Because of Seymour it has taken me two months to make my first post in the blog that was in fact created as a means of procrastination. And the timing couldn't have been better coz once again I am writing this while being two days away from a rather important submission that I don’t give a flying-half-monkey-half-two-headed-cockroach-rats-ass about! Considering that I have many such submissions looming in my near future I’m guessing this blog is going to get a lot of attention from me. Hopefully it’ll get other peoples attention too.
The nature of procrastination is an interesting thing, I did some research into it in an attempt to beat down the monster but so far the results have been disheartening:
HOW TO BEAT PROCRASTINATION TODAY!! - among the countless self help books and courses provided on the subject, which I had no intention of spending money on, the general advice given was to do things immediately instead of putting them off....... o__o Well if I could do that I wouldn’t have a problem now would I!? IDIOTS!
Further digging provided the rather more serious evidence that, it can in fact be a physiological disorder and may even be a sign of more serious health issues..... oh joy! I always thought I mite have early onset alzheimers! Heres to hoping that it in my case it isn't that serious!
I really should stop here and get on with my project…although I probably wont Seymours quite demanding these days, hopefully in about an hour n half’s time I’ll get down to it. The truth is I really want this chapter of my life to be over with, It’s been running way to long but for now I feel there is nothing I can do about it. This blog I think is part of the next chapter of my life & I hope that with this first post things will start falling into place more quickly.